A Quiet Night's Rest
by dulce-melos
Summary: On the way back from a mission, Kakashi comes to Naruto's aid during a battle ... but when his student suddenly collapses, he's not sure he can help. And when things go from bad to worse, all he knows for sure is that he'd better do something - quick. Takes place during Naruto's training before Shippuden. No pairing, sick!fic, sorta? Rated teen for safety.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I'm only borrowing them. No profit is being made.**

a/n: First Naruto fanfic (be kind!), hoping not too ooc. Also, my fingers just kinda typed this on their own and about half-way into the first page it took a left turn into angst-ville. You've been warned, lol. Still working through season six of Shippuden (btw, potential spoilers up to S6); my imaginings about Kakashi's history may be off the mark. No beta, all mistakes are my own.

* * *

Chapter 1

It was a relief to be coming home, after weeks in the Land of Sand. Kakashi Hatake was much more comfortable in the cool green of the forest. He had a healthy dislike of dry desert air and the huge open stretches of empty space. Who _would_ prefer it - harsh sunlight, filled with poisonous creatures and prickly plants, with nowhere to shelter. How could one _truly_ be shinobi, without shadows (nature made or otherwise) to melt into?

But the Leaf's relationship with the Kazekage of the Village Hidden in the Sand was such that they were required to provide support, pretty much whenever it was asked. It was a relationship that Kakashi was happy to nurture, since besides the benefit to the Leaf - Gaara was a friend to Naruto. For that alone, the jounin would have offered to help.

Though it had taken two days travel after the success of his mission, the desert sand had finally turned to rough shale, then mountainous rock. Here now (thankfully), was the forest. The air of his homeland surrounded him like a sigh … and with his first exhale of cool moist air, something he didn't recognize as tension went with it.

Leaping into the nearest tree, he moved with silent assurance into deepening shadows. It was growing late. He was exhausted after the mission and traveling for so long in the unforgiving sun. He should make camp soon. Camping alone wasn't his preference – it made defense sketchy, without someone to trade watches with. There wasn't any help for it, though. The Leaf had been short on manpower when the message from the Sand came. Three teams were returning home, but not soon enough and none had been there to partner with. Sandaime decided the Copy-nin could handle the request himself. And so he had.

Now, though, it left him to try to rest without anyone to watch his back. Thankfully, it was early autumn. It might be chilly, but a fire wasn't really necessary. He'd sleep in a tree tonight. It should be a quiet night.

It was somewhere in the early watches of the morning (maybe three am?) when he heard it. Snapping branches and the crunch of leaves … the harsh breath of someone who'd been running full-out for too long. Immediately alert, he moved into a crouch, scanning the surrounding darkness. The night was absolute pitch and what moon there was, was covered in clouds. The noise was getting closer and now, under the ragged breathing, he heard faint sounds of distress. That decided him. Lifting his hitae, he uncovered Obito's gift. The forest around him flared to life. It took a few seconds to adjust to the dichotomy of the two types of sight, so much more obvious at night.

"Kage bushin no jutsu!"

Chakra flared weakly after that familiar voice flew into the night, drawing Kakashi's attention east of his position. However, instead of the chorus of Naruto shadow clones calling to each other that the jounin expected to hear after the jutsu (from long experience with the ridiculously chakra abundant teen), there was only a lone strangled curse, edged with desperation. A clash of metal and a sharp cry. But Kakashi was already moving, had been since Naruto had called out his jutsu. By the time the sound of kunai meeting rang out, he had slipped behind the boy's opponent and slit his throat.

Naruto barely paused in recognition of the jounin, before turning to face the next opponent - a lean faced man with a jagged scar from his temple to chin. It wasn't a good look. Distracted by Kakashi's sudden appearance, the man wasn't quite quick enough to prevent a matching mark on the other side ... one he didn't live long enough to see a scar from.

Naruto faded back as the man fell and Kakashi came around to a more defensible position. Assessing his companion, the jounin could see that not only was Naruto unusually winded, his hair and shoulders were lightly dusted with something. It shimmered faintly, in the moonlight. There wasn't time to think about it, however. Now back to back with the jinchuriki, Kakashi asked, "How many?"

"Not sure ..." The teen's breathing was coming in gasps. The normal, brashly confident tone was undercut by an emotion that in anyone else, Kakashi would have named fear.

The jounin frowned. He could sense more enemy shinobi, spreading out to surround them. He wasn't sure how many yet, but malicious chakra was polluting the air like mist around them. "Can you continue?"

A short sound, almost a laugh. "Not sure." His eyebrows lifted. He couldn't remember a time when Naruto had been uncertain in anything. No, that was an answer he hadn't expected, though perhaps he should have. He could feel a faint trembling in the shoulders pressing against his, a trembling that said the boy was at his limit.

How long had he been fighting? For _Naruto_ to be so drained, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He said so.

Again that sound, the one that was a laugh but not. It bothered the older man. "Sorry, Kaka-sensei. I don't think I can …"and Kakashi's eyes widened, but he was already turning as Naruto collapsed without another word, all golden hair and bright orange and falling gracelessly into the leaves on the forest floor. The rogue nin around them saw the opening for what it was. The jounin could almost feel the flash of eager anticipation. As they surged forward, the first of them breaking through the trees nearest the two leaf shinobi, Kakashi knelt - already forming seals - and swept an arm around his former student's chest. He heard only the beginning of the enemy's shout before they teleported, disappearing in a billowing gust of smoke.

.. .. ..

The safe house was silent and deserted and Kakashi was happy for that. It meant it was still safe. A quick glance around was all it took to reacquaint himself. After making sure to close and reactivate the wards on the door, he lay Naruto carefully on the couch in the living area and found one of the bedrooms. Dusty with disuse, he spent a moment readying the bed. Then, removing Naruto's jacket, covered in dead leaves and other detritus from the boy's fall, he laid it over the back of the couch. The teen didn't stir when he took off his jacket, not even a little. Kakashi frowned, worried. Pulling off one of his gloves, he lay his palm on Naruto's forehead, "Hot," he muttered, pulling the glove back on. His frown turned to a scowl. _Not good._ Exhaling, he moved his unconscious companion to the bed and spent a moment thinking about what to do about the situation. His experience with the jinchuriki hadn't started until after the academy, but he couldn't recall a time when Naruto had been ill. Hurt, maybe. Wrapped in bandages, certainly. An unavoidable thing in the life of a shinobi. With Naruto though, bandages, even crutches, never lasted long. The boy's capacity for healing was irritatingly robust.

But a fever? Never.

A cloth soaked in cool water would help. Checking the kitchenette, he took a small towel and turned on the tap. Brownish water sputtered, then started to flow. He pulled the cloth away quickly. Okay for the bathroom maybe, but cooking and drinking? Not so much. There was a stream nearby that would do fine, but Kakashi was hesitant to leave Naruto. There was no help for it, though. He checked his own water skin, already knowing what he'd find. He had just come from a desert, after all. There was barely a few swallows left. With one last glance at the unconscious genin, he left, pausing only to ensure the house was properly secured before he moved back into the forest.

The trip to the stream was more fruitful than he expected. On the way there, he discovered signs of recent passage. Deciding their safety was more important than preserving chakra for the moment, a brief glance with the sharingan revealed the same malevolent chakra from earlier. Here then, was the rest of the nin Naruto had been fighting. It was good to know, but rotten luck that the safe house was apparently hidden a stone's throw away from the enemy shinobi's camp. It meant they'd not be able to wander freely. It also meant the longer they stayed, the greater the risk they'd have to confront them.

Cloaking his chakra and hiding his form, he watched two of the enemy complete a perimeter check. It wasn't a small camp. There were fifteen shinobi, though four more (bringing it to 19) were on the ground, unmoving and covered from head to toe with canvas. The bodies were obviously there to be disposed of to preserve their secrets. Scar-face, the man Kakashi had killed, was surely among them, meaning the other three were likely to Naruto's credit.

Pulling back from that position, Kakashi continued to the stream. At least they weren't directly between the house and the only source of fresh water for miles. He should be able to avoid them. Taking extra care to gather as much water as possible, he headed back to the cabin. Naruto was still out when he returned, which was as troubling as it was relieving. Another check said the teen was still burning up. His visible eye narrowing with worry, he quickly saturated a rag, laying it on the boy's forehead. Sighing, he took a swig of water and tipped his head to either side, stretching out the aching muscles of his neck. Not enough sleep.

This was all happening too soon after being in the Sand. He hadn't recovered yet from the chakra he'd used and now he could feel what little was left, sputtering like a candle running out of wax. Heaving a deep breath, he tipped his head back against the wall. He'd just rest here for a few minutes, then check on Naruto again.

Kakashi opened his eyes. Naruto was shifting on the bed restlessly. " _No, no, no! Ero-sannin … please. Please … I'm sorry ..."_ Those words immediately pulled Kakashi from where he sat, over to the bed to check on him. Naruto sounded so much younger than he actually was - the words tumbling from him were frightened. Kakashi wondered what was in that sleeping mind and knew he should dismiss it. Though dreams were often fears we didn't want to name and truths were often twisted, those words were still worrying. The jounin dampened the cloth again, swinging it briefly in the air to cool it before putting it back.

He checked the quality of the light in the room and swore at himself. Several hours had passed. The sun must be cresting the horizon. He hadn't meant to sleep so long. But the chakra in his system had been guttering – he felt better, if not fully restored.

He should try to get Naruto to eat a little, if possible. At least drink. He ran a hand over his own face, unconscious of the mask he still wore, chasing the last dregs of fatigue away. "Naruto." Keeping his voice low, he gripped the boy's shoulder. Sleeping uneasily, the sounds Naruto made tugged something tight in the jounin's chest. He was still dreaming. "Naruto, wake up." He expected to have to call him again, lost as the boy was in that feverish sleep, but finally the genin opened his eyes. Blue eyes moved quickly around the room, the disoriented look in them growing until they finally settled on him. Recognition and something like relief made its way across the young face.

"Kaka-sensei." His voice was shaky and he raised an unsteady hand to run his fingers through his hair. "What happened?"

"Mm. That's what I'd like to know." He lifted his water flask. "But first, drink." Naruto frowned at that, but sat up, doing as he was told. His hands were still disturbingly unsteady so Kakashi helped him. Setting the water down, he looked at the young shinobi in front of him. He was still not well, that was obvious. And he had obviously somehow stumbled into trouble in the forest. But there was something else, hovering under the surface, something behind his eyes and the downturned corners of his mouth. Kakashi wanted to know what it was. "Naruto, why are you alone - where is Jiraiya-sensei?"

Blue eyes darted up to his and fell again. "Ero-sannin?" The nickname was a whisper on Naruto's lips and the genin wouldn't hold his gaze. Kakashi felt his stomach drop.

"Naruto, what is it?"

"He … he … Jiraiya-sensei, he's -" and Naruto's eyes squeezed shut, his fists clenched - and he kind of curled into himself, shuddering. If he had been concerned before, he was alarmed now. Kakashi tried to wait for him, wanting to give him the space to explain, but Naruto was shaking his head and when his breath hitched and tears overflowed, the jounin reached up and wrapped his arms around those shaking shoulders. The awful burn of fever was still there, showing in the flush in the boy's cheeks and in the almost searing heat of the fingers that gripped Kakashi's forearms. Added to that worry, fear for his old friend was hollow in his chest.

"What's happened, Naruto. Where's Jiraiya?"

Naruto didn't answer for a long time, ragged breaths counting out heart beats. "I … I hurt him, Kakashi-sensei."

 _Naruto hurt Jiraiya?_ The thought was ludicrous, unless … _Kyuubi._ "Where, Naruto?" His mind was already sifting through possibilities, calculating what he'd need to do to get ready to leave. Fearing for his friend, but also for the young shinobi in front of him, whose skin was still burning bright with fever and more upset than the jounin had ever seen him. "Where, Naruto," he pulled back enough to meet those skittish blue eyes with his own. "Where is Jiraiya … _how_ badly hurt is he?"

Hearing the jagged concern in Kakashi's voice, Naruto seemed to come to himself. He took a shaking breath and pulled away, lying back down. "He's … he's in the hospital. They said he'd just be there a few more days," and he looked up at the ceiling, saying, "He woke up yesterday, he smiled at me and said it was okay and he'd be out in no time. We'd start training again -" Tears tipped over as he blinked, running across his temple to catch in his hair. "But his chest, Kakashi. It was covered in bandages, and, and _it was my fault …"_

"No, Naruto. You can't think that." Knowing now that Jiraiya would be okay, the clench of worry had loosened and his focus returned entirely to the boy in front of him. Naruto was shuddering now, almost uncontrollably. Kakashi knew it was as much from sickness as distress.

"I couldn't wait in the room anymore. I just needed to get away from the city for a few hours, but then those nin -" He breathed in slowly and out again, but his teeth had begun to chatter. Those blue eyes lost focus for a moment and he dragged them back to Kakashi's. "What's wrong with me?"

"You're sick, Naruto." Kakashi was pushing him down now, reaching to pull the standard issue grey blanket up over him. "You're running a fever."

"Sick?" He laughed weakly. "I don't get sick. I've never been sick."

Kakashi had suspected that, maybe even known it, but to hear it - "Not once? Everyone gets sick sometimes, Naruto." That feverish gaze sought his, and Kakashi realized he'd accidentally pointed out another thing that separated Naruto from everyone else. "Na, Naruto," and he smiled, letting the grin reach his uncovered eye. "Well, there's a first time for everything. You'll just have to suffer through this like the rest of us." He put a hand on the other's arm. "Close your eyes. Rest," and when the genin scowled at him, he huffed a laugh. "It's terribly boring to be sick, Naruto. You need to give yourself time to get better." Kakashi could still feel the heat radiating from him, through the cloth of his shirt. _Boring for Naruto, perhaps._ He took a moment to be grateful for those few hours of sleep. Likely, there wouldn't be any more of that.

He didn't want to strain the boy with a full meal, so gave him broth from a soup he'd made from rabbit and some roots he had found on the way back from the stream. Surprisingly quickly, the genin was asleep again. Kakashi checked the wards again – they were undisturbed. He took a moment to fully check the house. Two bedrooms, a bathroom and living area. A tiny area for a kitchen, made up of nothing more than a sink and a hotplate. Canned food and rations, in a cupboard above the counter.

Small and spare. If Naruto were awake, he'd feel right at home.

He waited a few more hours, checking on the younger man frequently. Though he was still too warm, the fever seemed to have calmed. He slept fitfully, but it seemed they were out of the woods. Finally, concern made the jounin leave the house to check the area. A quick reconnaissance showed no change in the enemy camp (the bodies were gone now; they must have worked hard to cleanse them so quickly). Seeing those shinobi served only to confirm that with Naruto ill, they shouldn't move until he'd recovered more.

Kakashi returned to the safe house. The boy was still sleeping and still seemed better than when they'd arrived. The jounin decided to risk a nap. With only the two of them, he would have to depend on the wards to warn him if they were attacked. Making up the other bed, he lay down and closed his eyes, and as a long experience had taught him, immediately slept.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: best if you've seen thru the first series and at least the first few seasons of Shippuden.

* * *

Chapter 2

The sound of something heavy hitting the floor snapped his eyes open. Kakashi was up and into the main living area before he even registered where he was. The wards were still up. The house was silent and he couldn't sense any chakra signatures other than the two of them. "Naruto, are you okay?" There was no answer, but it didn't matter because a moment later he found the young man on the floor near the foot of the bed, struggling to sit up. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I stood up, to get a drink. I was thirsty," and Kakashi saw the cup next to him, lying on its side. "But then the room was spinning and I ended up on my ass." From the wording, he meant to be funny, but it came out shaky and bewildered. That had Kakashi leaning closer to check the jinchuriki's temperature again with a palm against his neck.

"Aah, _Naruto_ ," he said, trying to keep the exasperation from his voice. "Your fever is up again, that's why. You have to let this run its course." He bent, levering his shoulder under the other's arm and lifting. "You remember what I said, yes?"

"Yes, Kaka-sensei," and the almost sullen tone was so much like the young Naruto he remembered, from when they'd first formed team seven, that Kakashi couldn't help his smile. He settled him under the covers again and got some water. The hand that took the cup trembled, slightly, but he didn't comment on it.

It was troubling, this fever. He'd hoped it wouldn't get so high again, but here they were. And though Naruto was alert enough to answer him, the brilliant blue of his eyes was dimmed, almost dull. He wasn't sweating either, which meant the fever wasn't close to breaking. Kakashi could expect this to continue for a while.

"Naruto. Do you have any idea where you caught this? Was anyone sick where you were training, or at the hotel?"

Those eyes flicked up to his for a long moment, as if having trouble understanding the question. "Um. I don't think so, but," he hesitated, "If someone new came around recently I might not have noticed, and," he allowed, "I've been at the hospital a lot the last couple days. Maybe it was when I was there."

"Mmm." Somehow, Kakashi wasn't satisfied with either possibility. He felt like he was missing something important. He looked at the light, or rather the lack of it, coming in the window. It was nearly dinner. The sun was setting. "Let's get something in your stomach."

But Naruto was shaking his head. "I don't think that would be a good idea - I think maybe I shouldn't -" and then his eyes were widening and he was scrambling to get up. Thankfully, they got him to the bathroom in time. He lost everything he'd had since they'd gotten to the safe house and then some, retching helplessly even after there was nothing left. Sighing, Kakashi helped him get cleaned up and got him back to bed. He set a container close by, just in case.

Things had just gone from bad to really bad. Naruto needed to take in water and food for the energy to get better. Maybe the boy's system couldn't handle illness, if he'd never been sick before. An immune system had to be challenged to grow strong. What if he continued to worsen? And still, there was a nagging sense of something _not right_ , some important clue he'd missed, like sand slipping through his fingers.

Pulling a chair from the living area, he set it near the bed. Naruto watched him, his mouth turned down unhappily, dark circles rimming his eyes. "I don't think I like being sick, Kaka-sensei."

He chuckled. "You're not alone there, Naruto," he said, tilting his head. "But I wanted you to …" he started to say, but jumped up instead, taking the two steps to the bed in one. "Naruto!" The genin's eyes had rolled back, fluttering closed when the seizure started. _Hold on, Naruto!_ Cradling his head, Kakashi pushed him on his side. He'd been around medi-nin often enough to know seizures were called electrical storms in the brain. His own affinity with lightning said it was true – he could feel the disruption in his former student's mind. He had to stop this before there was any damage. Quickly weaving a sign, he snapped, _"S_ _hizukesa_ _no jutsu!"_ The stillness jutsu took hold, and abruptly the boy stopped shaking, whipcord tense muscles relaxing suddenly and completely. Blinking quickly and feeling none too steady himself, he dragged the chair closer, not willing to take his hands away from the unconscious jinchuriki. He exhaled raggedly. "Where is Sakura when you need her?"

Whatever this was, there was no doubt it was getting worse. He watched Naruto, eyes closed and finally sleeping peacefully, wishing he himself felt so calm. _What is going on?!_ He ran his fingertips over the boy's forehead again, already knowing what he'd find. If anything, his temperature was higher than before. He shook his head.

Stepping into the living area, he bit into his thumb. Slamming his hand to the floor with a quick command and then, in a puff of smoke, Pakkun stood before him. "What's up, boss?"

"Get a message to Hokage-sama. Give her our location. I need medical assistance for Naruto." He paused, his eyes falling to the floor for a moment, before he looked up again. " _Hurry._ "

The little dog sat for a few breaths, shrewd eyes looking first through the door to the room where Naruto lay, and then back to the jounin. For once, Pakkun didn't have a comment or snarky remark. He nodded shortly. "Hai." Undoing the wards, Kakashi opened the window for his summons to jump through, and with pensive eyes, the Copy-nin watched the messenger dog run into the forest.

He already knew, though. It would take too long for the run to the village. A full day, if Pakkun didn't rest. And he knew he wouldn't. But then another day for help to get here.

Too long.

Taking a few moments to collect himself, he stood and went into the kitchen. He thought about the fever, worsening so quickly to _seizures_. At this rate, Naruto would …

No. He'd lost too many precious people. Using a calming technique to force the tremble from his hands, he lit and brought back a lantern. He needed the light at this point, it was dark outside, the moon hadn't risen yet and he didn't plan on sleeping any time soon.

Lost in thought, he was setting the light down on the bedside table when something caught his eye. Reaching out, he brushed his hand across the chaos of golden hair splashed across the pillow.

There it was again. A shimmer. Another gentle brush with his hand and it shook free, that light dusting of a shimmering _something_. A memory of an adrenaline-fueled moment flickered through his mind, of a glance at the genin when he'd jumped into the fight in the forest. Kakashi went to the couch and brought back Naruto's jacket. Sure enough, it was more obvious against the black and orange cloth … the dusting of powder he'd noticed when he first met up with Naruto the prior evening. Careful not to breathe any of it in, he dropped his mask, scenting it. _Ah._ He thought so. A whiff of herbs. Several he recognized. Harmless alone, but together, very much less so. Yes. Together, well, they were poisonous. But like a gift that kept giving; lifting his hitai-ate, the jounin looked more closely, confirming what he already suspected. The dust was also chakra enhanced, faint enough to almost miss. It was that same energy signature he'd come across twice now. The question was: what more had it done to Naruto?

Kakashi wanted to kick himself for not realizing what was happening sooner. Feeling the steady drain on his own energy as he continued the use of the sharingan, he saw, now that he was looking for it, subtle signs that Naruto's chakra was being blocked. Covering the sharingan again, he exhaled a slow breath as the constant pull against his minimal energy stores ceased.

This _wasn't_ a virus, these symptoms were the boy's reaction to the poison. It was slow, compared to other poisons Kakashi had dealt with, so was not as obvious. Combine that with his own fatigue and the jounin hadn't recognized what was happening. Worse, he could see now that the chakra enhancement had spread it through all of the boy's energy centers, not just poisoning, but blocking his ability to heal. This couldn't be solved by washing off the dust or by waiting it out. Naruto didn't have access to his own chakra, let alone his accelerated Kyuubi healing. Without it, all of these physical symptoms would continue to weaken him.

It seemed impossible after all his former student had survived to get to this moment, but this might actually kill him.

Releasing the jutsu he'd placed on him, Kakashi was grateful the seizure didn't pick up where it left off. Instead, the genin opened eyes that had gone beyond fatigue, into fear, and confusion. The jounin frowned. _Electrical storms in the brain_. "Naruto," he said, "Do you remember where you are?"

"Yes, I remember." Relief, almost painful, washed through Kakashi. He'd stopped the seizure in time. And the genin was still talking, that was something. A frown creased the boy's forehead. "You took off your mask."

Kakashi smiled, tipping his head. "It doesn't serve much use here, does it?"

Naruto chuckled tiredly. "I guess not. But, I can't see you very well. Why is it so dark?" Kakashi glanced at the lamp, bright in the small room. Hesitant, the boy's gaze followed his. Lifting the light, he raised it to look closer at Naruto's eyes. "Kaka-sensei," he said, squinting into the light and rubbing harshly at his eyes, "Stop. That hurts." The pupils in those remarkable eyes didn't react, even a little. Kakashi's stomach dropped. Quietly, he set the lamp back down on the side table. They were both silent for a few breaths, before Naruto said, "This isn't normal sick, is it?"

"No, Naruto. It isn't." He didn't say, _I don't have the medical skill to fix this. But if I don't do something, soon it will be too late to do anything._ He sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you trust me?"

Blue eyes were solemn on his. "Yes, Kakashi-sensei." Kakashi didn't know if he should be happy or worried at the use of his real name.

Steeling himself for what he was about to do, he lifted the hitai-ate (for the fourth time in _too soon_ ) and felt the sharingan activate. The mind. It was another way to access the chakra system. And this particular genjutsu, a variant on one he picked up from Kurenai, was the easiest way to enter the mind. It was one he'd developed but never used (for good reason). And though the Copy-nin would never say it, he knew it was nearly on par with Inoichi's mind reading jutsu. If it weren't for its one flaw, it would be the perfect jutsu for the Intel Corps. But he couldn't think about himself now.

What was important was that this genjutsu would give him quick access to virtually any memory he needed. Regardless of how he felt about it, without a medi-nin's skill for direct healing, the best he could do was clear Naruto's pathways of the foreign energy, freeing the jinchuriki's astonishing ability to heal. He only hoped that it would be enough.

Energy wasn't only about sustaining the body or producing powerful jutsu. It was spiritual as well, and memories were entwined with it. The synergy between the two was worked into every living cell. Ask an acupuncturist and they'll tell you – hit the right chakra point with one of their needles and a client will tell you all about their childhood, their worst fear or greatest desire.

If he could stir the right memories, get enough chakra moving, it would flush out that blocking energy.

It was just, in order to do that, he'd see things Naruto probably didn't want him to see. He looked down once more at the face flushed with fever, eyes over-bright and slightly glassy. Naruto took a breath that trembled on the way out. Kakashi took it all in, and his jaw tightened. They were running out of time. _I'm sorry, Naruto. I don't have a choice._

Forming seals, he laid one hand on Naruto's chest. He held the gaze of his former student, ignoring the uncomfortably intimate feeling and the increasing energy drain as the sharingan swirled. Everything in the room narrowed to blue eyes, his vision tunneled and shadows in the corners seemed to advance on the two of them. He heard Naruto take in a sharp breath and then he wasn't _anchored_ to ... anything. He fought a moment of panic, knowing the feeling would pass. But as that faded and though Naruto said he trusted him, when Kakashi stepped into the rippling landscape of his former student's consciousness, there was resistance. It was instinct, he knew, but the boy was strong enough that the world wobbled at the edges and he almost lost grip on the jutsu.

' _Maa, Naruto,' he thought at him. 'It's me. Be careful now, you don't know your own strength.'_

He didn't get a response, but a shudder seemed to vibrate through him (Naruto?) and the resistance lessened, though it didn't vanish completely. It was enough, though. And there was no time to waste. With his student's energy all around him, it was painfully apparent how weakened he was. He could see, feel and almost touch the poisonous presence of the toxin the boy had taken in. Dimly, he could also sense the boy's slow steady heartbeat and each quiet breath, heavier and more strained than they should be.

Where to start? He quickly realized he might not have a choice. Since he'd only experienced this once before (and briefly at that), he wasn't _exactly_ sure how this would work. He'd have to improvise. And right now, well. Chakra has a current, and it was currently (no pun intended) sweeping his consciousness along with it. That much he'd expected, but he hadn't known exactly how his mind would perceive it. The 'how' of it probably had just as much to do with _Naruto's_ mind, as his own.

Images flickered by, some too quickly to understand and not in any particular order. He saw some that must be through a child's eyes and others through the eyes of the teen he knew now. _This boy eats a lot of ramen._ Most were almost dizzying as they flashed by, but those that stayed long enough to register… he suddenly knew that those were moments that had more emotional energy tied to them. They also had their own gravity - as he assessed the 'landscape', he could easily feel their pull in the chakra flow. If he really wanted to be effective, those were the memories where he needed to concentrate.

Allowing himself to be drawn to the nearest swirling whirlpool of images, the world suddenly had weight again. He was in the streets of Konoha. There was a crowd around him, everyone in it was taller than he was. He was trying not to cry and looking down, his hands were small and chubby like a child's. But it was the whispering that brought the sting to his eyes. Everyone, _everyone_ , was whispering about him. Looking at him with narrowed eyes, shaking their heads. Those looks made his stomach hurt, made his face feel too hot. In their voices he could feel their scorn, their dislike and distrust and when he heard the keening sound under the breath of the child that he was, that was when he remembered this wasn't him – Kakashi - these were … no, these were _Naruto's_ memories. He was just a witness to them.

And Kakashi ached to see it. Naruto must have been just a few years old. He himself had been away from the village, already a jounin. The Copy-nin. Not much older than Naruto was now, but already being sent on S-rank missions.

While the son of his senpai was _shunned and alone_.

Under the anguish Naruto felt, hate for the villagers rose, black and ugly. It jarred the jounin from his thoughts and made him look at the scene with new eyes. He saw it then. The pain in this memory felt too fresh. He knew that Naruto carried the scars from these moments, but they weren't as heavy a burden as they once were. Here, now, looking at the memory with clear eyes, he could see the colors were off. The emotion too intense. And there was a cloying stickiness in the air, the sickly sweet smell of poison.

 _Ah._ What to do? But before he could act, abruptly he was swept, no… _yanked_ away from the scene. He was in the training yard. Training. Alone. He was always alone now. His father, the shinobi who'd abandoned his mission, was just freshly buried. He told himself it didn't hurt. The thunk of kunai hitting the target rang out in the twilight dusted air.

' _Kakashi-sensei?'_

 _Who was that?_ He looked around, but the other shinobi had left. That was just as well. For months now he'd watched them talking behind their hands, stealing furtive glances at him. Knowing eyes saying he would fail as a shinobi, just like his father. Shuriken flew now, unerringly striking the target as the burn of anger began to grow, threatening to become a fire …

' _Kakashi-san, I … I didn't know,'_ he looked around again, looking for the source of that voice, grey eyes blinking into the fading light of the day. And then he knew.

He took a deep breath, coming back to himself, his present _adult_ self, again. ' _Ah, Naruto. It's you.'_ And here then, was the catch. The jutsu allowed him to see into Naruto's mind, but unlike Inoichi's jutsu, Naruto could also see into his. It was one of the reasons that, powerful as it was, he'd never used it (beyond that one, mortifyingly embarrassing episode with Iruka-sensei). Sighing mentally, he thought to the boy, _'It was a long time ago.'_

' _But they were so mean,'_ and though he was talking about Kakashi's memory and it was something today's Naruto would never say, the jounin heard the hurt from the child that Naruto had been, lost in a crowd of hating, distrustful villagers.

' _Yes, Naruto, they were,'_ he thought, and there was sadness there he refused to hide. _'People are often mean when they don't understand. Once they've labeled you, they think they have the right to be mean.'_ He shrugged, not knowing if the boy would see it or sense it. ' _They're wrong.'_

He could see the gathered crowd again, but this time a shadow overlay it. A shadow with nine-tails and a snarling face, lips pulled back to reveal glistening fangs. Kakashi felt a chill run through him and pushed it away, kneeling in front of the child standing there. ' _I'm sorry, Naruto.'_ He looked into those hurt-filled blue eyes. ' _I wasn't around then.'_ He took the child's hand in his, squeezing it gently. ' _But I'm here now. You're not alone.'_ He heard the child inhale, a disbelieving gaze met his. He blinked, seeing the training yard flicker in and out once more, before he blinked again, feeling a rush of energy sweep through. The murmur of the crowd faded, the harsh color surrounding them softened at the edges and before he could process what was happening, he was pushed off his insubstantial feet and swept towards another swirling center of light and color.

When he landed, the scene that met his eyes was one from his nightmares.

* * *

a/n: reviews are love.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sasuke stood before him, sharingan bared, expression twisted. He had finally caught up with him. No, _Naruto_ had. He could convince him, he _would_ convince him to come back to the Leaf. Standing there, at the top of the falls, he'd said so - only now he was flying backward, ribs cracking, pain exploding through his chest from the strike he'd taken from his comrade. His _best friend_.

Landing in the lake at the base of the waterfall, there was a stuttering moment he wasn't sure he'd find the surface. He hadn't had a chance to take a breath before he went under. His heart was a jack hammer against his chest, and he fought panic and the desperate urge to breathe. _Sasuke, why?_ But a flicker of sunlight showed him the way and he swam for it. Breaking through the surface, his lungs ached, he gulped air. And Sasuke was there, smile cruel as the blonde found his feet again, unconsciously balancing his chakra to stand on the face of the water. Naruto started to speak, but the Uchiha was breathing in and the blue-eyed boy threw himself to the side when the word, "Katon!" echoed, flames exploding against the stone walls of the canyon.

The quality of light was the same here as in that other memory, the colors not-quite-right. Under the smell of earth and water, it was there – sweet and cloying, the taste of poison in the air. Again a silent witness as this moment in time played out, Kakashi knew his former self was currently racing through the forest. Knew his former self wouldn't make it in time to stop any of this from happening. And that Naruto would fail. Fire light reflected off the water as the two fought, the booming crack of each strike a chaotic addition to the sound of rushing water.

Poison notwithstanding, this memory was different than the other. At the very edge of his awareness, he sensed the boy's quickened heartbeat and ragged breathing as he relived these awful moments. He'd known it would be hard on Naruto, but he hadn't wanted this. Because _this_ wound remained, regardless of the time that had passed, as raw and fresh as the day it was made. And Kakashi didn't have any idea how he could help Naruto overcome this.

Sasuke's words fell into the air, cold and clear over the echo in the canyon. "I intend to kill you, Naruto."

A heart crushing pressure began to build, forcing him – _Naruto -_ to speak. "You mean … I'm not anything to you at all?" Kakashi didn't want this, to be so close to his student's pain. "All we've been through. Did it mean _nothing_?"

Kakashi saw Naruto's tears spill as Sasuke replied, and the Uchiha jumped forward with death in his eyes. The blonde's eyes widened, anguish flashing across his features, and then.

' _Only Sasuke,'_ Kakashi thought, not sure if he was thinking it to himself or his student.

Then, Naruto's expression went flat, his body tensing as he pushed off.

' _Only Sasuke could hurt you this way. Naruto … believe that it meant something.'_ But Naruto wasn't listening, rushing forward to counter the raven-haired boy - the call of jutsu, the sound of chidori. He knew the boy didn't hear it when he said, ' _I do.'_

Kakashi reached out, powerless to stop the battle but unable to let it continue, and suddenly he felt that jarring shift once more, as though a tether had wrenched him away. The forest around him was wild, untouched, but for the path where his comrade stood, shaking with anger and ready to desert him, leaving him to complete the mission alone. The chakra around him had changed, familiar as the sound of his own heart, but different from what he was now used to. _Ah, this is_ my _memory._

But the thought was a whisper that he couldn't quite hear as everything flooded him, the look and smell of the forest, the adrenaline from the recent fight with the enemy nin, and the emotion that he couldn't ignore. His younger self, filled with cold determination, looking into Obito's eyes. Uchiha eyes - furious and disbelieving.

' _Kakashi-sensei. Who is that?'_ That voice was familiar. Some part of him knew it, but couldn't place who it was.

Obito was already turning away. Kakashi opened his mouth to answer, saying, "Those who abandon the mission are scum." They had to get to the bridge. Saving their kidnapped comrade would endanger countless lives. Ruthlessly, he tamped down the memory of Rin's sweet smile, and the knowledge that there was more than friendship in her eyes. In his heart, he said he believed it. Obito responded, the Uchiha's words hitting the angry wound that was the memory of his father, the White Fang. And Kakashi denied them.

' _Sensei.'_ Again, that voice _. 'This is wrong.'_ Butit wasn't, was it? His father died for abandoning the mission. Kakashi looked down at his hands, clenched at his side. He felt the weight of his pack, heavier now, with the field first-aid kit Rin had given him. He took a breath that ached, looking north, where the bridge lay, already knowing what he would do.

For after all the rules and regulations he'd drilled into his head and the bonds he tried to deny … he was his father's son after all.

Kakashi turned to follow the path Obito had taken and blinked. _What?_ Time had passed. Blurred moments when he stepped in to save Obito from being gutted and Kakashi lost his eye in the process, the flare of pain spearing through his consciousness settling into a throbbing, burning ache. Only tight control on his chakra allowed him to push it away– _my eye, I've lost my eye -_ a bearable loss, almost penance for what he'd done earlier.

Some small part of him knew this was the past, and also sensed he wasn't alone. Someone else was here too, seeing this part of him with wide, blue and pain-filled eyes. Seeing what he'd done. Kakashi was ashamed. The enemy nin would never have had the opening to strike, had Kakashi come with Obito at the start. _'Sensei …'_

Saving Rin came next – _those nin, they hurt her –_ and the ache, knowing she'd suffered while Kakashi wavered. Then the rumble of crumbling rock filled the cavern. Turning to run, but unpracticed at being blind on one side, Kakashi only knew the rock was there when it slammed into him, knocking him to the ground, stunned and hands scraped raw under his gloves. Dust filled his nose, even through his mask. His ears were ringing and everything was too loud and he wouldn't be able to get up fast enough … and then he was tumbling, free of the cave and the fall of stone.

When the dust finally settled and the rumble of earth stopped, he was staring down at the half-crushed form of his teammate. Obito, crybaby Obito, had saved his life. Sharingan eye spinning lazily, the young Uchiha must have been numb with shock, for he didn't seem to be in much pain. It felt surreal, that he should still be alive, how could he be? But reality asserted itself all too quickly – the smell of blood and churned earth, and the sound of Rin crying beside him.

And Kakashi knew then, he wasn't fit to lead. If he'd done better, made different choices, Obito wouldn't be dying. But Obito was speaking. "Kakashi, I'd completely forgotten. I was the only one … who didn't give you a gift …" There was forgiveness in the words. That quiet, blue-eyed watcher drew in a hesitant breath as Rin's chakra glowed and the young shinobi captain gained an eye to replace the one he'd lost. "Whatever the village may say … you are a great jounin …"

He didn't have time to mourn, that would come later. The stone nin were still out there. Kakashi blinked to clear the tears from the newly transplanted sharingan, jumping clear of the cave's rubble to face them. But the trees blurred and changed color, the ground rising high around him, moving from greens and browns to blue and gray. Taking a deep breath, trying to ease the ache of his lost teammate, Kakashi was assaulted by the sound of rushing water, the roar of power filling the valley. Vaguely, he saw the poison-soaked air and it came back to him, what he was here to do.

But Sasuke and Naruto were speaking, words so twisted with rage and pain that it hurt to hear. Sasuke curse-transformed. Naruto, fiery and Kyuubi orange-red. Chidori chirped, screamed, and the rasengan was shrill in the air. It was agonizing to see, like a kunai twisting in his gut. _Gods, why was I not in time?_ Watching the shuddering power of the two boys in front of him, he wondered now if he could have stopped this, even if he had been.

The power built in the hollow at the base of the fall, the water disrupted as the circle of energy coalesced, black and terrible. Inside that circle of power, steam swirled from the vaporized river and the sting of ozone filled the air. As their power met, another memory flickered in Naruto, he and Sasuke, much younger - two fingers joined. Naruto's chest tightened, his breath a sharp exhale over the churn of his stomach. _'This is really …'_ His claw caught on the metal of Sasuke's hitai-ate, scoring a single line into the symbol all Leaf shinobi wore. Blinding light filled the air and the hum of too much sound. _'This is really happening.'_

The blast rushed at him, too fast to really see. And the world was fading around him.

' _Sasuke.'_

 _. . ._

Kakashi floated, somehow knowing that Naruto lay unconscious. He spoke into that void, ignoring the sluggish movement of the tainted chakra around him. ' _Naruto.'_ Movement, but no sound. _'Na, Naruto. Speak to me.'_

' _I can't … no.'_ The boy made a sound, filled with such heartache that Kakashi almost wanted to let it go.

' _Yes, Naruto.'_

' _I can't do this, Kakashi-sensei.'_ In the dark the jounin could see a ghostly flicker, an image of his student's face and knew how far he'd pushed the young man. He hadn't heard hesitation like this from him since that first disastrous mission to the Land of Waves, all those years ago. Taking a breath against the desire to stop this torture, he said, _'All these moments, Naruto. They make up who you are. Don't deny them.'_

' _I don't want to remember anymore,'_ and that phantom voice faded to a whisper that said, _'How can you bear it?'_ The valley flickered in around them, and then the cave-in and the image of Obito's body, appearing and disappearing once again. _'It hurts.'_

' _I'm sorry, Naruto. I never meant for you to see that.'_ His heart clenched, trying to cope with the feelings Obito's death brought up in him, made fresh again after all this time. This was about Naruto, not Kakashi. Not Obito.

' _Kakashi-sensei, his death wasn't your fault.'_

He couldn't agree. _'It was, Naruto, but that's not why we're here.'_

' _I don't understand all this, Kaka-sensei. But your comrade, he made his own decisions.'_ Intangible or not, the words were sincere and full of certainty. ' _You lost your_ eye _saving his life, even if he - I mean,' and the next few words came tumbling past. 'You can't blame yourself for his decision.'_ The voice paused, as if he didn't want to continue. _'Maybe I shouldn't blame myself …' his breath caught, and too quickly it was followed by another, 'for Sasuke's.'_

Kakashi listened, silent as the words faded. Chakra began to move more quickly around him, feeling fresher, and clean. And then they were back in the memory, the after of that horrible battle. Naruto was sloped unconscious across his back, on the way to Konoha. He was opening his eyes and though Kakashi felt the stab of sadness when memory-Naruto asked, "Where is Sasuke?" He didn't get to see his memory-self's reaction to the question, because the colors around them were beginning to shift again.

He knew what it meant and was ready when the flow of chakra strengthened, washing those moments clean, pulling him, yanking him past more of Naruto's memories - of interactions with friends, fights against enemies and always, always, of the boy reaching into people's hearts, and always, always, striving for strength. Seeking the power to control the thing inside of him that would not be controlled.

And maybe Kakashi noticing that common thread is what did it. Because Kakashi knew he had no control over where he'd land. He'd known, but when he opened his eyes to the destruction of his home, it took a moment to realize where he was.

Heavy, malignant chakra hung in the air, smothering. Sound exploded around him and he glanced up, past torn homes and the wreckage of buildings, Konoha _destroyed_ , to trace the outline of the fox-spirit. Kyuubi, rage-filled, nine tails slashing through the air. More screams of shinobi … _Anbu …_ repelled like ants, their bodies crushed against and into shattered wood and plaster, unable to stop the nine-tails. _What can we do against this!?_ Behind his porcelain mask, young Anbu-Kakashi pushed back terror and ran through the jutsu in his arsenal, as he wove the signs for a water dragon attack. The level of the pond next to him drew down, all its water sucked into service against the fox-spirit, but it shattered against the thing's chest – and nothing happened. At all. Kyuubi didn't seem to even notice the attack. _Gods, what will kill it?_ Kakashi wasn't alone in his attempts, the roars of summons and calls of justu, the clang of metal and screams were an ear-fracturing cacophony in the night-chilled air. The blood-moon hung heavy in the night sky, witness to it all.

 _He heard another sound, underneath the roar of noise. Oddly, he could hear it clearly, even with the chaos around him. A voice, stilting and filled with horror. 'So many, Kakashi-sensei. So many dead … how …'_

Running forward again, he nearly tripped over two fallen shinobi. Stopping, he crouched to check, but their spirits were already gone. They had died quickly, he saw. A small gift, in this nightmare made real. Kakashi recognized them, the parents of that boy. The quiet one, until someone upset him, anyway. Iruka? Sorrow lanced through him. Another orphan, in this world of pain. _And that other voice hitched with something like a sob._

Yondaime would stop this. A blast of heated air washed over him, stirring unkempt silver hair. A huge mass of chakra was forming in Kyuubi's mouth, blackening as it became denser. He could sense the strength of it from here. This was something _terrible_ , unstoppable. He swept a desperate gaze over what used to be the village square, before it became a battlefield. _Where is Minato-senpai?_ The Yellow Flash of Konoha would end this. They just needed to keep the monster at bay, keep the civilians safe, until he got here.

' _No, no, no.' What is that voice?_ Kakashi started to stand, as the hum of that huge mass of chakra built, nearly sub-audible and vibrating along his bones.

' _Run Kakashi … you can't stop that. It will kill you. And everyone. Run.'_

He couldn't wait for the Fourth, he had to do something before that thing let loose. He started to form seals … and the world spun, swirling and blurring around him. When it stopped, time had passed. A lot of time, razor sharpened moments of battle, all of it fruitless in the end. Now, Kakashi was dizzy from chakra depletion. Stunned mismatched eyes danced over the remains of the village. Like a replay of words he'd heard before, he heard someone mutter in shock, "So many. So many dead." Shinobi, civilians, in nearly equal numbers. "How will the village come back from this?"

At least there were some who had made it through, with the help of the Copy-nin and other shinobi.

And as Kakashi had known, had _expected,_ the Fourth had come. He'd stopped the nine-tails. When silence fell suddenly, breath-taking in its quickness, it filled his ears as completely as the shocking realization that filled his heart.

Because Kakashi had felt it. The moment when, sacrificing himself to save the village, the fourth Hokage … his senpai … was gone. Forever.

Memories of his jounin-sensei flashed by and he tried to deny the emotion they brought. The Fourth was ruthless in battle. He _couldn't_ be dead. He was strength and a steadfast presence. In the Anbu, Kakashi served him. The Fourth was the strongest shinobi of the Leaf.

He didn't need protection, but as Anbu, it was Kakashi's job to safeguard him.

But he. _He_ …

Kakashi heard a gasping breath and knew it was his own. He closed his eyes, and pain was slicing through his chest, sharp enough to drop him to his knees, it may as well have been death's scythe. That other-voice said nothing, but somehow he knew that other understood.

 _He'd failed._

The scenery around him shuddered once and then again, flickering. The echo of that old pain grew distant. And the devastation, the village, was gone. Muted colors of evening transformed to the now familiar, toxin-colored hues. He squinted against whites that were haloed and over-bright, yellows and greens with a sickly tinge. And it was no longer night. The sun was beating down, merciless, and they'd been at this for hours. "Ero-sannin," he said, panting. His skin felt hot. Naruto looked around the training area, or what was left of it. The strip of devastation was impressive. Across from where he stood, thick, tar-soaked wooden beams were splintered, loosing their stinging smell into the air. Chunks of soil and a shattered boulder lay in a not-so-tidy pile nearby. Still caught in the horror of a moment ago, it took a moment for Kakashi to realize this wasn't his memory. He blinked at the sight of Jiraiya-sama and knew from his appearance that this memory ( _of Naruto's, not his, this is Naruto's memory)_ must have happened very recently. It might mean that his job was almost done … but he felt a sense of foreboding, looking at the stifling and muted color of the poison in the air.

So far, all the memories with weight, the ones that had been so saturated with toxin he been drawn to them, had been painful. Agonizingly so. He remembered his student's earlier, feverish words. _'I hurt him, Kakashi-sensei.'_

What was he about to see?

"I can do this," frustration edged Naruto's voice. He felt his eyes narrow, unreasonably angry at the look on his sensei's face.

"No, Naruto. You can't, not yet." That expression turned thoughtful, framed by wild white hair. "We've been stuck at this point for weeks. I don't know if you can go any farther now. Unless …" He sighed. "Maybe it's time."

"Time for what?" Anger dropping to simmer, he frowned, watching Jiraiya open a scroll, begin to form seals. His sensei said a word, sharply, and the anger that had been fading suddenly swelled, like fire in his veins, infusing every cell – overcoming every thought. He heard his own voice scream, guttural - and the world whited-out.

"Naruto, you can control this …" the voice came from far away. Naruto knew the sound of it, understood what it meant, those words. But he was so angry, and it was all the fault of that person. Fingers were tipped with claws, extensions of the fury he felt. He slashed at the one in front of him, the one trying to tell him what to do. There was a scream, and it brought satisfaction with it. It fed the dark feeling of power. _Yes._

Cold flushing through him, Kakashi knew now, what this memory was.

"Naruto, stay in control ..." Dimly, not-Naruto heard that voice again, breathless, as if the strength had been stolen from it. At that seeming weakness, a malicious joy filled him. Laughter, deep and satisfied, came from the darkest part of his soul. Some small part of him heard that and knew it was wrong, felt everything his not-self was doing and hurt for it, adrift in rage-filled chakra. And despaired as he slowly lost his grip on the power he held, no longer caged by the seal on his body. His form changed. His eyes reddened, grew feral. Claws thickened and lengthened. One tail and then another. Finally, four. Desperation edged its way in and agony tore through when he felt his skin being eaten away by the tailed cloak. But all he could do was scream, the sound ragged and wild.

Dimly, he felt jutsu cast against the _body-that-was-not-his_. He ignored it, gathering chakra for his attack. All the while, Kyuubi laughed. When Jiraiya-sensei came at him again, grim determination painted across his features, Naruto saw he held something in his hand. As soon as the symbol on it registered, Kyuubi roared, but the seal struck home, sucking that powerful chakra back. Chaining it. Releasing his lucid mind from its prison.

"Naruto …"

When he opened his eyes, Jiraiya-sensei was on his back, breathing hard, blood pouring from a wound on his chest. Stunned and frightened, he'd run to the sannin, putting pressure on the wound. They had to get him to a hospital and all the while, his mind was whirling. Naruto had no idea what happened and when he looked around, there was only the two of them. There was no way to ignore it.

He'd done this.

Blue eyes wide, fighting tears, he wrapped a makeshift dressing on the wound. "Stay with me, sensei. Ero-sannin … Jiraiya-sensei. Please …" He was scrambling as quickly as he could, through the devastation, Jiraiya in shock and stumbling along beside him, trying to stay conscious. Somehow, they made it there.

Kakashi managed to pull away enough to watch it play out, the terror in Naruto's eyes when they reached the hospital. The hours of waiting, while the medi-nins tended to the legendary sannin. And he saw those colors here too, that unnatural toxic brilliance clouding the air with its unnatural weight - stronger even, than in any of the memories they'd faced before. Perhaps it was because this memory was so fresh. _'Naruto.'_ The 'why' of the extra weight of poison here didn't matter, the antidote was the same. Memory-Naruto continued pacing, oblivious to the call of his name, agitation trailing in his wake. Drawn back into the memory, Kakashi felt the prick of tears in his eyes and the squirm of discomfort at seeing too much, knowing too much of how the boy felt. But it was familiar, and too close to how he'd felt, too often before. _Myfaultmyfaultmyfault._

The hospital flickered out of view and he was in the village again. Someone was screaming, people were running. Others knew something had happened to the Yondaime. Blinking the blur from his vision, Anbu-Kakashi stood, looking in the direction he'd last sensed Minato's chakra. His mind said it was too late, but he had to be sure. "Minato-sensei." He barely felt the wind streaming past his mask as he ran. He told himself the tears burning his eyes were from the smoke still hanging in a choking cloud over the village, lit red by the blood-colored moon.

It was harder, this time, to realize he was reliving something that had already passed. That other-voice spoke again, the one he remembered hearing before. _'Sensei.'_ He knew that there was something he was missing, something vital. _'Kakashi-sensei.'_

He was almost there now. Yondaime had pulled the nine-tails _so far_ away the village. Beyond the fearful pounding of his heart, he was amazed at the power of the man, his sensei. He could see a group of people clustered in a tight circle. The Third was among them. All of them, blood-spattered and silent, in the center of the wreckage of the forest. Something cold dropped into his stomach, seeing that. Seeing their silence, and how nothing seemed to be moving - the dread inside him blossomed and became real. Without making the conscious decision, he slowed.

He could hear a sound.

A baby. A baby was crying. The people were clustered so closely, they were blocking his view - he couldn't really see. Except for a splash of yellow hair and blood. The edge of white cloth, with red lettering. It told him all that he needed to know. Wanting to scream, breathing through the ache in his chest, he whispered, "Thank you, senpai," when the scene faded this time, he didn't think or question it. He just closed his eyes.

* * *

a/n: thanks so much to everyone who is following this, and everyone who has reviewed. *hearts*


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Silence reigned for a few moments, moments Kakashi was grateful for. The image of the hospital fluttered in. The quiet beep of monitors, keeping vigil over Jiraiya, bandaged and unconscious.

' _Sensei, I'm going to lose to this, aren't I. This all that I am, isn't it?'_

Naruto.

' _Death and pain.'_

Taking a breath, he pushed that old memory - images of shattered buildings, shinobi ... friends, away. Bewildered, Kakashi said, ' _It's not you, that's done this.'_

' _No, but_ _I can't control it,'_ he could hear the tremor in Naruto's words, but the jounin was shaking his head. _'If I were stronger, I could stop the nine-tails.'_ It sounded like the boy was giving up. And for the first time since this began, he was thankful Naruto could see his memories as well. ' _Maybe we should just let whatever this sickness is, win.'_

' _Naruto, did you see what Kyuubi did to Konoha?'_

'… _yes.'_ His voice was so small, so tired. The jounin looked at the poison-soaked chakra in the over-saturated hospital room and despaired. It was so much thicker here, in this memory. He thought about all Naruto had gone through before they'd started this, how drained he'd been.

They were so close to finishing this, he could feel it.

' _How can you think you're weak?'_

' _But …'_

' _Are you saying the jinchuriki of Konoha is weak?'_

' _I …'_

' _The nine-tails is the strongest of all the tailed beasts. Even injured as you are now, the monster sleeps.'_

' _Ero-sannin almost died!'_ Naruto voice cracked into the shadows of his mind, rippling through the memory. The walls of the hospital room shimmered, like waves in a pond. Kakashi felt the layer of toxin shudder around them, but it didn't lessen, even a little. _'I did that to him!'_ And the jounin heard the catch of breath before Naruto said, _'You don't know what it's like.'_

Even desperate as he was, hearing how the boy's voice was weakening, and pushing back the panic chewing at the edges of his resolve, he wanted to laugh. _'You may be right, Naruto. I have never been host to a tailed beast.'_ _He sighed._ _'But I've lost people. I've made mistakes.'_ He did laugh then, and it was bitter. _'Too many to count.'_ He raised his gaze, looking for the blue-eyes of his student. _'Sometimes, it doesn't seem possible, but you can move past them. You must.'_

But there was no response. The silence around him was steeped in self-recrimination and it clicked then - that the poison they'd washed away earlier had settled here, in this most recent, rawest place in his student's mind. There was too much of it now. Kakashi had already been exhausted when they started; re-living all this with Naruto, while holding the jutsu for so long had done more to drain him. With Naruto poisoned and worn too, from re-living all of this ...

He needed a reaction from Naruto. Something to keep him here. Silently, he sent the boy another apology. He had to focus that incredible stubbornness on this. _'Maybe you're right. Jiraiya-sama must have seen how weak you are, neh?'_ Even insubstantial, he felt his student's unsteady pulse rachet higher, the boy's breathing grow rough. _'He must have at least shown it, in his face, or actions.'_ And then something he didn't expect - Jiraiya's face appeared. Another memory? One side of his mouth lifted in a sneer, expression twisted. Naruto cringed, pulling away, and Kakashi felt a spike of near-panic. The sannin was talking, but Kakashi couldn't hear what he was saying. The white-haired man's tone, his expression, filled with blame. _Had_ Jiraiya said such things? But no, it looked off, Jiraiya's features distorted and wrong, like a cartoon cutout. Suddenly, it wasn't just Jiraiya, it was Sasuke, and Tsunade. Iruka-sensei. Sakura, Hinata and Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba and others. All of them, disgust on their features and in their voices. So much like the crowd of villagers, but this time the voices, the faces, were Naruto's comrades. Friends.

Was this a symptom of the poison? Was Naruto hallucinating, or had he been weakened so much that these were his fears and doubts, made real?

The noise around them grew, the voices and faces crowding, overlapping. The air grew hotter, and Kakashi's ( _Naruto's_ ) chest breath was crushed from him, the kunai-sharp pain there growing, as the hospital around them began to stretch, and stretch – _everything, so loud_ – and … that familiar wrenching sensation and nothing, but empty space.

Then. They were in a dark, dark room. Listening to the drip of water into the few inches that layered the floor. Kakashi looked around, into the empty black. All he could see was what was in front of them, the bars of a cell. And then up, up. Through those bars and into glowing red, hate-filled eyes.

Another voice spoke, slow and full of rage. _'I remember you.'_ That voice. This wasn't a memory, or a hallucination. Those eyes weren't focused on Naruto, semi-translucent and standing by Kakashi. That scarlet gaze focused solely on _him_ and though the heat of it scorched across the jounin, Kakashi's blood ran cold.

 _Kyuubi_.

A spirit that relished destruction, knew only malicious joy in bringing death. Kakashi remembered too. Malignant chakra choking the air. Noise, chaos. Screaming. The fox-spirit towering over the village, tails whipping across the moonlit night. Every muscle in his body screamed to act. But there was nothing he could do – as thought without form.

He pushed all of that away. Looking through the bars he said, ' _Your host is dying.'_

' _He is weak.'_

' _As he dies, so do you.'_

' _Perhaps that would be better than this chained existence.'_

Kakashi laughed darkly. _'We're all chained, in one way or another.'_ He felt Naruto's eyes on him, uncertain in the shadow of the demon and hoped the boy didn't take that the wrong way. ' _Surely, we've cleared enough of this poison away for such a powerful being …'_ and he looked into the spirit's eyes, scorn written across his features, _'To overcome. Even chained.'_

' _Yes.'_ Kyuubi looked over to Naruto, standing silently next to his sensei. _'If he wants my help.'_ When Naruto remained silent, brows-furrowed and eyes down, he turned his gaze on Kakashi. _'Jounin. Remove the seal, and I will save your precious student.'_

' _Mm.'_ He eyed Naruto, taking in the dark circles under the boy's eyes, the pallor under the sun-touched color of his skin. The fever. The seizure. He opened his mouth, wanting to say yes. The word shaping itself on his tongue, his fingers twitching toward the seal on the cell door. But … that memory was too fresh now, of the Leaf, devastated. Of too many comrades and innocents, dead.

Seals were not his specialty. He could do many things, but if he released _this_ seal … well. With only him here, there would be no remaking it. He took a slow, deep breath and let it out again. He jerked his chin at the boy, saying, _'Nah, Naruto. What he's offering?'_ He shook his head. ' _I -'_

' _No.'_ The word tumbled into the air before he'd even finished speaking. ' _You can't sensei. Even if I wanted it, you can't.'_

The blonde turned to face the cell bars in front of him, voice pitching low and eyes narrowed. _'I've only reached out to you when I had to. It's kept you alive, too. If I die, you'll never be free.'_

Hate vibrated through the snarled response. _'Is that a promise?'_ Menace dripped into the air like the water all around them, raising the hair along Kakashi's arms. Kyuubi laughed. _'You've kept me alive?'_ A low rumble, denying it. _'I exist.'_ He growled, something that rose in pitch and ended with the snap of teeth. Ripples radiated through the shallow water in the chamber. _'You stumble around, protecting your precious people, when I could be bathing the world in blood.'_

' _So you refuse to lend me your power?'_

Those glowing eyes moved away, looking into the shadows. Kakashi watched the boy and the fox-spirit, grey and sharingan flicking between them. _'Yes. I refuse.'_ Edges of his mouth tightening, Naruto nodded, looking down.

Kakashi spoke into the silence that fell after that. _'Hold a moment, Naruto.'_ He tipped his chin up at the spirit, Obito's gift glinting. _'You can't do it, can you?'_ Naruto's head snapped up, eyes widening in surprise. _'This poison. It's blocking you, too. You can only act if I completely release the seal. If I let you loose.'_ Smiling, he said. _'That won't be happening.'_

Snarling again, the beast focused on him entirely. In the face of blazing red eyes, the jounin resisted taking a step back. The creature laughed, chilling him down to his bones. _'Enjoy watching your student die, jounin.'_

Turning back to face Naruto, words of reassurance stopped in his throat when he saw the boy had grown paler still – the shadows under his eyes standing out, stark in the dim light. Naruto swayed, enough to jerk the jounin's heart into pounding and pull Kakashi into taking a step forward. Just as he heard the hitch of ragged breath and the jinchuriki collapsed. _'Naruto!'_

No response. What light there was, was sucked away, a vacuum of dark, silence ringing in his ears. The ghostly image of the young man was gone. The bars of the cell had disappeared. So had the sense that they were in a room, near the cell, in the hospital or anywhere else.

In the void, in utter blackness, Kakashi was alone.

' _Naruto, are you with me … Naruto?'_ He couldn't see anything, or hear anything. Was Naruto unconscious, or worse? No, he was unconscious. He had to be. Kakashi refused to imagine anything else. But, if his student didn't wake up, the jounin wasn't sure he would find his way free. He didn't want to think it, but if Naruto died and he wasn't able to release himself or the jutsu from the boy's mind … the slow, constant chakra drain would kill him, just as surely as the poison was killing his student.

It was laughable, really, that this poison might take _both_ the "Legendary" Copy-nin and the jinchuriki of Konoha. But it wasn't the possibility of his own death that caused the ache in his chest.

Concentrating, he listened. Silence. For long enough that a splinter of fear pierced his heart. And then, at the edge of his awareness, a heavy, wonderful, sound.

The distant beat of a heart. A slow, hesitant breath.

It was infuriating, being unable to affect anything around him. Having to rely on the current of chakra and whatever past memory might sweep him along. But thankfully, slowly, the darkness around him was lightening. Black. To gray. _'Naruto?'_ And then to white.

A beeping noise entered his awareness, now. Steady and slow. A heart monitor. He was back in the hospital. Turning his head, he saw his student sitting in a chair, next to the bed. His head was in his hands, his fingers tangled in his hair, blue eyes haunted and frozen on the still form of Jiraiya. _'Naruto,'_ he breathed, relief rushing through him like a tide. The boy didn't react. He frowned. Two breaths later, Kakashi realized this wasn't Naruto's consciousness, replaying the memory. This was _just_ the memory. He wasn't sure what that meant. If Naruto were unconscious, or worse, would he be stuck in his student's past, trapped in memory, forever?

Time was running out. That distant beat was growing slower, softer. And then, the next beat didn't come. No. _Gods, no._ And then it did, later than it should. Kakashi's heart was hammering, now. Time wasn't running out, it was gone. He needed Naruto awake, now. Fighting for his own life, because Kakashi couldn't do this for him.

Another beat, and another. Then, nothing. Two quick beats.

 _'Naruto, don't you give up on me.'_

And then nothing. Nothing.

Nothing.

 _No. Nonono._

The room was getting darker.

He had to do something. But he couldn't. Here, he was only spirit. Consciousness without form. His body was outside, in the chair next to the bed where his student lay, dying.

With one hand laid on Naruto's chest, the connection he'd needed when he activated the jutsu.

Was it possible?

Tuning out his surroundings - the hospital, Jiraiya. The silence. _No heartbeat. No breath._ He focused on his own stream of consciousness, reaching back to himself. Reached for flesh and bone and breath. _Don't release the jutsu. You're not done yet._ It was harder than he thought it would be. Harder than it should have been.

Finally, he felt it. A nearly there sense of his fingers on rough cloth and his body, exhausted beyond measure. Ah, yes. He'd used so much chakra, before he'd even gotten started with this.

It didn't matter. _A candle guttering, the wax almost gone._ He just needed a little … _'chidori.'_ The room flashed blue, jumped around him and continued to fade.

Nothing. No sound.

' _Come on, Naruto. Help me, here.'_ Again. Lightning, a flash. The jump. And the hospital room blanked out, everything went black. _'No!'_ A wave of dizziness swept through him and he reached out to hold on, but there was nothing to grab on to. He was moving, but this time, there were no memories sweeping by. No laughter or struggle, ramen, Team 7 or pranks. Only stillness and silence. Reaching desperately for that thread to his other self, his real self … he knew. He didn't have enough chakra to do it again.

He did it anyway.

The flash, a blue crackle. The jump. And then suddenly, a huge, gasping breath and a hollow half-beat that erupted into a quick pounding. Rapid and strong.

Finally, finally. There was light. And sound. He was back in the hospital room, but it was fading to gray. Only this time, the light was fading in his eyes, not Naruto's. Naruto was there, in that seat next to the bed, watching Jiraiya. Vaguely, he saw the overlapping image of Naruto's awareness, living the moment again. When Kakashi felt his spirit-self stumble, the young man moved. Now-Naruto jumped up, appearing suddenly beside him. _'Kakashi-sensei!'_

' _Naruto,'_ he chuckled. _'Ah, there's my precious student.'_

He could almost feel those blue eyes sweep across him, take everything in. Since the essence of this form was chakra, and he'd just … well, he wondered what Naruto saw. He saw enough. It showed in his face and words. ' _What have you done, Kakashi?'_

' _Maa, nothing for you to worry about.'_ He gestured to the room, to Jiraiya. _'Do you remember, our talk?'_ He had to hurry. The room was getting darker.

' _Yes.'_

' _You didn't do this to Jiraiya. Kyuubi did.'_

' _I know. It's just …'_

' _Naruto. Hear what I'm saying. You need to believe it, or this will kill you.' He sighed. 'I can't have that.' Everything hurt. How could everything hurt when he wasn't connected with his body?_

' _Kakashi-sensei, what's happened?'_ Panic was steadily rising in the boy's voice. It hurt to know that he was the cause of it. _'You did this for me, didn't you. You've … you're ...this is my fault, too.'_

' _Naruto.'_ He couldn't lie. It would only make things worse. _'Yes, but this isn't about fault. It's because I know something about you. Something you haven't realized.'_

Naruto waited, and Kakashi didn't mention all the things he really wanted to say, about his own senpai, the fourth. Kushina and her temper. And how every day, Naruto grew to be more like them, his parents. That they would have been proud.

Rules, and duty. Suddenly, he hated them. _'Naruto. Do you think I would have done this for someone that wasn't worth it?'_

Blue eyes overbright, Naruto blinked quickly. Lower lip caught between his teeth, he shook his head. _'No, Kakashi-sensei,'_ and he could hear the respect and still a little hero-worship, even after how human he'd proven himself to be, over and over again. _'You wouldn't, but that still doesn't make it okay.'_ A glow appeared behind the young man. Blue-white and growing brighter. It started to move, spinning, slowly at first and then faster. Chakra. It lifted the boy's hair, made it whip around wildly, somehow managing not to disturb a single thing in the room. The curtains around the bed hung still and smooth, the paper on the chart hanging on the bed didn't shift at all. But the colors, the poison, they moved. Changed. Swept up in the riot of that churning energy, everything around them grew lighter. Cleaner. And that energy (such a brilliant blue, without a hint of malevolent orange) swept over them both.

Kakashi smiled. He didn't hurt anymore.

. . .

He woke up to the sound of alarms. Sitting up quickly, he winced. Apparently, the pain relief had been temporary. _Gods._ Kakashi really did hurt everywhere. But how? He'd burned all the chakra he'd had, to shock Naruto's heart back into beating. All of it and more. He shouldn't still be breathing, but he wasn't about to complain.

He'd figure it out later.

Naruto's eyes were open. Breathing harshly, the young man ran his hands over his face. As Kakashi watched, the shadows under his eyes began to fade away, color beginning to return to his face. Half-smiling, the jounin turned, picked up the lamp from the table beside them. Lifting it and bringing it closer to the bed. Naruto raised a hand to shade his eyes, squinting. Nothing happened for a moment and then, the sensei saw the pupils of the boy's eyes shrink to pinpricks. The last of the tension he'd been holding left in a sigh of relief. "Kaka-sensei, what is that noise?!" He lowered the lamp.

Well, almost all the tension left. "The wards." The thought of having to fight anyone was a frightening prospect. He had to blink hard to clear his vision and Naruto, well … he was better, surely. But he'd been through a lot. Both of them needed rest and time to heal. Gamely, the young man took a fortifying breath, pushing himself off the bed. Pulling his mask back up, Kakashi nodded. "It's the outer wards. If we're lucky, we have a few minutes before they reach us."

Moments later, they'd gathered their tools. Senbon, throwing stars, kunai. A glance between them and they moved to the front of the house. The light outside showed a sun high in the sky. _How long had they been gone?_ "Kakashi-sensei," the boy whispered, gesturing out the window to the nearest cluster of trees. Shadows moved there, discordant with the flutter of leaves.

"I see them." The jounin felt them, too, at least five others. He ignored the squirm of unease that came with that whisper of chakra. He couldn't dwell on his and Naruto's exhaustion; they didn't have time to entertain doubts. That energy told him these were the enemy-nin from the river, the ones who'd poisoned Naruto. He didn't know how they'd found them so quickly. He made a noise, unhappy. "There's no help for it, I guess." He looked at his former student. "Ready?"

Looking determined, Naruto nodded. They moved into the kitchen, out of direct line of sight of the living room window, and those ominous trees outside. Quietly sliding the window there open, they eased out into the overgrowth that butted up against the property. It was easy to slip into old patterns, from their days working together on Team 7. Both already understood what their plan would be. They would split up, flank the enemy, if possible. Take them out. Simple. Effective.

If only they'd had time to rest. Taking a breath, Kakashi was about to move, when, "Wait, sensei." Naruto had an arm up and was crowding him against the side of the house. The jounin turned, upset that Naruto might have given their position away, but something caught his eye. A reflection, off something metal at the edge of the forest. Silver.

A signal. One that he knew. He smiled.

The rough rustle of leaves and a muted cry came from the side of the house. And then there were four chakra signatures from the enemy. A puff of smoke from the edge of the woods drew his eyes, just as newcomers made themselves known.

Newcomers that weren't enemies. More noise, the rustle of branches, leaves. The clang of metal and another cry. And then, Pakkun was trotting out of the forest. "Hey, boss." Shizune came soon after, with Izumo, Kotetsu and two other medi-nin. Pakkun yipped and said, "It's handled boss. We got 'em." The small dog sat, using a stubby foot to scratch under his chin. "Anbu found a nins' camp, too, not too far from here. Looks like these were a part o' that." He panted, his tongue lolling briefly for a few seconds before slurping it back in. Kakashi felt a flash of fondness for the summons; he must have run the whole way. Pakkun continued, "Rogue-nin, all of 'em, from their hitae-ate. And looks like they were up to no good, they were loading some kinda poison dust into bags."

Kakashi smiled again, crouching to speak to the nin-dog. "Good work," he said, satisfied. "How'd you get here so quickly?" The little dog tilted his head, clearly confused.

"Thanks, boss, but it didn't feel quick." He stood up and paced over, nudging at the jounin's hand, looking for petting.

"What do you mean? Not sure how you did it, but you couldn't have taken more than a few hours."

"Boss. I was gone for _two days_. We got here as quickly as we could, but I thought for sure we'd be too late. Did you hit your head or something?" He made a sound, almost a whine. His hind leg started to thump against the ground; Naruto had reached over to give him a pat and found a good spot to scratch. "Naruto's all right, looks like. I guess it wasn't as serious as you thought."

Kakashi didn't want to get into that at all. _Two days._ Kakashi couldn't believe it. He'd lost all sense of time in the jutsu. Two days, lying there unprotected, with nothing more than some automatic wards? Another reason why he'd likely never use it again. He looked at Naruto. Unless he really had to.

At least, he'd learned something about his former student, stepping into his shoes for a little while. And for all the pain they'd had to re-live, he hoped Naruto had learned something, too.

Even if he hadn't, he'd do it again anyway.

Naruto was giving Pakkun a belly rub now, smiling. The medi-nins were fussing over the young man and from the expression on Shizune's face, Kakashi was about to get a tongue lashing. Right. The jounin may have dropped from his crouch onto the ground and was now leaning weakly against the side of the house. It was a miracle he was alive to do even that. Resignedly, he waited as Shizune took a deep breath.

Nodding and trying to look mournful as she scolded, he thought again about that blue glow behind Naruto, that rising swirl of energy, right before the final memory washed clean. It had been chakra.

A tremendous amount of chakra. Astounding that, as weak as he was, Naruto could manage it. Kakashi still remembered the feel of it, washing across everything in sight. Including him, when he'd just spent all of his own. _Hm._ Well. Since he was never going to use that jutsu again, there was no way he would ever really know. But it seemed that after Kakashi saved Naruto's life, his former student had returned the favor.

Tsunade's right hand lady took a break from her tirade with a glare, before crossing her arms in front of her. She started talking to the other medi-nin, wanting an update on the two of them.

Naruto's voice cut through Kakashi's thoughts, chin tipped down and speaking sotto-voice. "Iruka-sensei's gonna be so disappointed."

"Disappointed?"

"Well, he took me for ramen once and said no matter how hard I tried, I'd never do it, but," with a tired scowl that was a half-smile of mischief, Naruto said, "I did. So what if it took a while?" and here he frowned a bit. "I didn't actually plan this, to see under your mask. But that's okay." Naruto shrugged then, looking sheepish. He reached up to drop a hand behind his head, scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah … you don't have big lips _or_ buck teeth."

"… _Buck teeth?_ "

"And all it took was for me to get a little sick. Easy."

"Right. Just a little sick," Kakashi huffed. "Easy." Shaking his head, he tipped his head back, letting it thump against the wood. The medi-nin had finished their report to Shizune. Obviously done with Naruto, they moved quickly to his side, their competent hands already beginning to glow green.

Maybe now, he'd get that quiet night's rest.

.

* * *

a/n: Thanks so much to everyone who has R&R'd! This is where this plot bunny ended, pretty much. But it was so much fun to write, I want to keep going, lol. Hmm. I'll have to see if another idea pops up..


End file.
